Cancer

Humans have never made sense to me. Humans to me are like a six-headed snake, a man with eyes within his ears, or even someone who doesn’t like social media, just an oddity. People always want you to be different yet when you are then you get an endless wave of ridicule. Seen as a freak. Treated as an outcast. If you don’t match the normal form of different then you’re not accepted within society and are excommunicated as punishment. I knew this rule much earlier than most people did. By about 6 years old I realized that I was an oddity and never would be accepted. Before then I would try to talk to the other kids about what I thought about. No one understood. They saw me as a freak and had begun to treat me like an outcast. So I learned to play the game. Think what I want but to the open world I listen and go along with every boring and dumb thing society wanted me to agree with. I knew I couldn’t be myself with anyone and had accepted that fact, but then I met you. You ruined it all. The wall that society made me work years to enclose the oceans of my thoughts was cracked and leaking because of your introduction into my life. You were like me. Too old in the mind and knew that we can’t be ourselves with just anyone. My wall, all enclosing and almighty grew to heights unseen by anyone but was so well camouflaged that it went by unnoticed. A beautifully grotesque obelisk. A great testament to a disgusting social construct. You invaded the bricks on the wall and stealthily and systematically altered every brick to allow me to express myself to the world who shunned me as a child. I didn’t even realize what was happening until I loved you. Like a cancer you spread throughout me until there was more you than there was me. It took me to rip my own heart away and burn it just so I could grow back into myself. I grew back but the wall never re-emerged. Without the wall nothing held back the waves of my mind so I was left drowning in a corner within the cosmos of my mind. You are a cancer to me. A destructive force who has done so much harm to me that I should be scared. But I’m not. If anything I can’t see myself without you. You’ve worked your way so deep into my soul’s structure that I cant see myself without you. I exist without you but you’re never far. You’re always a part of me. 70% myself but that other 30% is all you. I love it. I need it.Its a cancer sure but what would I be without it?

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Shattered 

I shattered you? 

You left me…

Then took me back 

Then left me

Then took me back 

Then left me

Then took me back 

Over and over again til I wanted to die. 

Then I finally stood up for myself. 

And you feel like I shattered you.

Fuck you. 

I was always there

Feeling every painful sting you threw at me because I thought you were worth it.

You never loved me

Just needed someone to love you