Heartbeat

​She makes me so nervous. I feel like my heart is going to beat against my chest and burst out my body and jump out the four story window. Maybe I’ll join him.

Self Loathing

You don’t look at this

You’ll never know my loathing 

It’s only to me 

If You’re There

Idk if you read these poems that I write for you but if you do then just know that the pain is getting unbearable. I have no idea how long I can last like this. I’m numb to stimulus. This is no way to live. Death is sat beside me just waiting patiently like a vulture for me to fully give up. All I have to do is reach over and touch him. Just one touch of his beautiful and alluring person will put me out of my misery. Just one touch of him and I’ll never have to feel again and yet, just one touch from you and I won’t even need him. I’m on the edge of a cliff as I awkwardly ride a unicycle and juggle simultaneously. I wobble from side to side, teasing both options but never committing to one. I know what I want. But maybe the vulture is what I need…

Lock Screen

​I’m sad to unlock my phone

You’re my lock screen

Whenever it opens I don’t want you to go

I just want you to stay forever like you do on my phone 

And my mind

Hopeless Haiku

​Hope doesn’t feel real.

All hope does is disappoint

Now I’m done hoping

Rounds

​We go round and round like a carousel, playing a game of love. You want me and won’t admit it and I want you but you won’t let me have you. You say you should marry me but you won’t do it. You’re lying to yourself if you say you don’t want it. Make it sound like you want me for sex but I know it’s not that. You want me for what I represent. I’m your love, your heart, your hopes, dreams, and investments. Fear takes you over. I’m scary to you because I know the real you. The “savage” one that they all talk about and are afraid of. I accept that and embrace it. It’s about time you just accept me and embrace what we could have if you did.

Well Hello

I wondered what’d happen if you ever saw this and what’d you think. Ever saw what was inside my mind where you can’t see. Figured you’d say that they didn’t rhyme and the poems were too dark. Well hello my inspiration, my muse. You’ve found my collection of thoughts. These are the things I’m too afraid to say. I hope you enjoy the self therapy I’ve given myself. I’ve grown by getting rid of some thoughts and vomiting them onto this blog. Maybe you’ll be able to see where your touch has left an impression on me and see yourself within these words. Welcome to the world of my mind that I tried to contain from you out of fear. Please, stay long.

Haiku #2

Everyone’s crazy 

Different but crazy the same

Or is it just me

Fooled

​Lies sit comfortably on your lips like I wish my lips did

I’m not sad

I’m fooled

Which stabs deeper than any blade 

Not Enough

But I love you

Is what I always say

But that’s not enough

I can try my best

Is what I always say

But that too is not enough

I need more of me

To get more of you

Because right now I have pieces of you

But that is not enough